My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
