he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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