Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just had sex on a roof
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
