I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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