woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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