so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
