Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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