you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
