I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I checked into jail on foursquare
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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