I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
