I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
