Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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