I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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