You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
