"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
