Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
