i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
