Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize