so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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