All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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