New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
is that a dick in a sweater?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
