thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
