covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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