apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
