community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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