barbara walters just said penis...
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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