**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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