The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
