Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
