Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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