fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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