I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
