had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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