i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
