I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
