There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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