The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Success! We fucked roommates!
i out mim tonsoeep
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
