end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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