Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
