Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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