I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Im part way to drunk.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
