for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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