I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
