even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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