i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
