You're so nebulous sometimes
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
