Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
