i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize