why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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