how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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