Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
