i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
