Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
