dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
is it fun? or sober?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
