you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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