so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
