i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
