the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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