I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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