Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
