I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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