Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize