good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
