it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
