We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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